Sit back, relax.

Vacilando

2007-02-09T10:51:42Z

Crossposted from my blog at http://nictusempra.blogspot.com/ which is probably where I will be doing most of my posting from now on.

Everybody tells me I'm going places; I am a smart man with a bright future, after all, and in college to boot! Where else could I be going but places. I've some vague idea of where these places are supposed to be, I suppose. My financial aid check seems to have a map to the suburbs scrawled on the back, with a shopping list of "MAKE SOME MONEY, EGGS, KIDS?? -- honestly, I haven't given it much thought.

I feel pretty out of place sometimes in a very goal-driven society, to be honest. Sure, I want to make a decent wage, do a job that doesn't suck, and KIDS?? sounds sort of interesting so long as we can leave those double question marks next to it, and... yeah, it's nice, I guess. Do I really have to be all on task and making good grades in my Geography class to pull it? Do I have to hang out in this little town for another couple years?

Man, that's boring.

I'm more into the goals than getting to them, I think. It's fun, you know, that rush of motivation when you're first trying out something new, nevermind the whole bit where you get to tell everyone "ah, yes, here soon I'll be rich, guys, I'm going to be saving babies/curing some kind of disease/doing something terribly impressive and selfless that involves getting rich. But you know, once the new car smell wears off, you're still just pulling an all-nighter trip to wherever and no matter how many times you go over the map you're about two to three years behind schedule getting there. I'd rather keep switching directions, get all excited about how I'm off to see the goal-driven equivalent of the world's biggest ear of corn, and take the next off-ramp away from all that when the idea gets old.

Funny thing is, if you aren't going anywhere, then you aren't going anywhere. Makes me twice as restless when I see I'm still in the same job I've had for two years, taking the same boring classes no matter how often I decide to pursue some bold new career path, in the same little town most of my friends have moved on from. But man, it doesn't stop it, and I still get that rush when I get all geared up to turn around and go off that-a-way.

That's vacilando, I suppose.

nictusempra @ 2007-02-07T04:11:00

2007-02-07T10:14:26Z

Been half a year, I guess it's time I wrote another entry!

I mean, I guess. I'm still in school, still have the same job. Not much has changed, really, I'm kinda running in place.

Feeling that old familiar restlessness again, though. That sense you get when you feel like status quo just isn't going to do the job, so it's time to start bucking your responsibilities, you know? Yeah, that one. Man, I dislike that restlessness.

Ah well, keeps me sane, keeps me motivated in the long run. It's just not exactly the greatest motivator in the world for the finishing of homework.

Oh, and as no one cares, random news! I got a call from Dogu the other day, apparently he's going to be a dad. Send me your well-wishing, I will pass it along.

nictusempra @ 2006-10-12T15:12:00

2006-10-12T20:12:40Z

I should really start writing papers in advance, it really takes the edge off. Got my one "during class" one down, fairly certain I'll pull an A on it, but I still have another due in oh... seven hours, and I should probably start on that soon.

On the bright side, without even having read my essay yet, my english prof handed me some flyer he got for an essay contest; 1750-2500 words, one nominee per instructor, 2500 dollar prize. And, hell, I've got until april to turn it in. I am thinking it is time to make my fine skill of lit bullshitting into professional work. I mean, it is quite unlikely I'll win, or even make runner-up (which also carries a 1000 dollar prize), but hell. I'm -just- arrogant enough to give it a go while maintaining that healthy pessimism.

Just have to figure out what I want to write it on; has to be some sort of dissertation on british/american literature. Ideas, livejournal?

nictusempra @ 2006-10-11T16:29:00

2006-10-11T16:30:41Z

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
Nictusempra goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Barry Williams.
angahith gives you 14 milky white raspberry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
anniefelis gives you 2 brown orange-flavoured gummy bats.
cadet_mcnally gives you 16 light orange mint-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
catsprite gives you 7 blue lime-flavoured nuggets.
liastrife tricks you! You get an eraser.
oniasyria gives you 10 blue lime-flavoured nuggets.
pimpstergust gives you 7 dark blue cinnamon-flavoured nuggets.
ping_pong_cow gives you 1 tan chocolate-flavoured gumdrops.
saintignatius gives you 1 red coconut-flavoured gummy worms.
some2else gives you 2 mauve cherry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
Nictusempra ends up with 60 pieces of candy, and an eraser.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Gee, thanks for ruining my otherwise perfect record, Lia! *chews on an eraser*

So. I have two papers due tomorrow, one during class, one that night. Guess how many papers I've written so far? Yeah, zero.

Going to be an interesting day.

nictusempra @ 2006-10-07T07:17:00

2006-10-07T07:21:57Z

Classes are going pretty good. I remain the master of writing a paper the day it's due and making an A. Undisputed.

Work is wearing me out, long past time I found a new job. Another year and a half or so, though, and I'll be done with school. Won't that be nice.

And oh, right, me. Hi! It's been like half a year since I updated, which is about on my usual par. I guess I haven't had much to say; older I get, the more streamlined my list of friends I talk to becomes. Not really intentional, and I'd be glad to talk to any and all of you. I just haven't really been putting myself out there save with the people I never stopped with.

Doing a new D&D campaign. That's nice. Still on said RP shard as well, though that's losing steam and its attraction amidst how busy I keep myself. And... I've decided, pretty much point blank, that it's time for me to write a full novel. I've been playing around for the past seven years or so, dabbling in fanfiction and roleplaying and other bits of writing, but honestly. I've missed the thrill of looking back at the ten pages I just wrote. I usually feel pretty lazy at the end of the day, busy as I am, actually. There's a rush to it, and I don't really give a damn if I get published anymore. I'm going to write something convoluted and Machiavellian and heart-wrenching just for me. Maybe I'll show you, too.

nictusempra @ 2006-03-22T04:25:00

2006-03-22T10:28:22Z

Think I'm going to trim my buddy list back to people I've actually talked to in the past year, eh?

No offense, 'course, you want added back in, just drop me a hello.

nictusempra @ 2006-02-27T02:09:00

2006-02-27T08:13:19Z

This just amused me, though I'm going to take a wild guess and say 99% silly-ass responses involving the word "dirty."

Stolen from Angahith.

If you had me alone...locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and
I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me? All
replies will be permanently screened because it's a secret. Then repost
this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get.

nictusempra @ 2006-02-17T15:24:00

2006-02-17T21:35:27Z

I do not understand myself.

I haven't hung around with much of, well, anyone since Allie left, and she was the only one I'd consistently been around since at least August. Of course, that was an active of effect of living with that sort of personality type; someone who's just fine, just fine with not being around anyone at all.

I never was that type. I admit it; I've got some histrionic tendencies to me, though they've certainly levelled out over the years, and I've never been the sort of person who did well alone.

And yet, she is gone, I am here alone, and I still find myself sorta avoiding other people.

Don't really talk to any of my old friends, much, though my phone is more or less active. I pin it on having -something- to do at least six days a week, but, come on. When I'm working at a maximum five hour shifts, and only have two classes a day, that's not much of an excuse. Not like I'm using the spare time to study obscenely - I do that right before tests, haven't seen much need outside of that - hell, it's not like I'm doing anything particularly important.

What bothers me so much about it, I think, is that I'm okay with it. I'm not depressed, I'm not down; hell, I'm working harder than I ever have in my life, and I don't feel overwhelmed by that in the least. I'm moving in exactly the direction I wanted to be moving in... but this isn't who I wanted to be.

I don't want to be a solitary creature. The idea bothers me. I need to put myself out there more, go to parties, go to the bars, just be around people I care about, but I honestly don't even know where to begin at this point. Too out of practice.

Huh. Guess I'll just have to sate myself with straight A's and a decent job for now, and hope the rest falls into place.

nictusempra @ 2006-02-09T23:20:00

2006-02-10T05:24:28Z

Broke the curve on my Psych test yesterday, about six questions ahead of everyone else taking the course. I am the hate of lesser students.

Between this and the A's I'm pulling in other classes, I'm really pleased with myself. This is such a total 180 from the last time I was in college. Gimme about two years, I'm really going places here.

nictusempra @ 2006-01-04T02:40:00

2006-01-04T08:45:44Z

So! I register for classes thursday, and will be back in college classes come, uh. Friday. Switching my communications major emphasis to public relations in hope of grander profits than journalism.

If this seems sort of sudden, that might be because I didn't decide to go back until like two weeks ago!

Yeah, I have no idea how to update this livejournal anymore. Just a quick update on my life to anyone who cares.

I am otherwise:
-good
-well-rested
-working
-actually saving money for once
-videogames

That is all.

nictusempra @ 2005-10-25T20:46:00

2005-10-26T01:48:58Z

Man oh man am I in a bad mood. If someone were to come up and say hi, I'd say hey guy, screw off, because that's just the kind of mood I'm in.

HACK LIVES

2005-09-29T09:39:31Z

HACK DIES?

Anyhow, yeah.

The website fell apart entirely in early july due to lack of money and complete and total lack of interest. I'd pretty much fallen out of every internet social circle I could think of, was pretty withdrawn in general. Still am, to an extent, as displayed in my "HOW IS EVERYONE" post that warranted two replies from people who cared if I knew how they were doing.

Aaaanyhow, I've put the site back up, I'd like to get to know people again. Please, do stop by, I'd love to see folks.

http://www.hackavenue.com/

Status Update:

2005-09-24T03:22:47Z

Still maxed and relaxed. And alive.

No long distance cell phone service since Katrina, this should be remedied in the next few weeks.

How is everyone else doing? Feels like I barely know you guys anymore.

nictusempra @ 2005-07-31T08:51:00

2005-07-31T13:53:00Z

Hey guys let's have a livejournal conversation

About things you don't like.

this is a good idea

nictusempra @ 2005-07-27T11:10:00

2005-07-27T16:12:03Z

So I wouldn't have posted this, but it seemed remarkably accurate.

While the name Justin creates the urge to be self-expressive and happy, we point out that causes a scattered and emotional nature. In the long term, it can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver and bloodstream.

Your first name of Justin makes you extremely generous. You have a bubbling, spontaneous nature and a happy-go-lucky outlook which helps smooth the pathway of life. Also you are sympathetic to the needs of others. Interested in art, music, singing, dancing, and anything of an artistic nature, you could become a very fine performer. Your spontaneous expression stands you in good stead during arguments or debates, though you are perhaps too outspoken and inclined to sarcasm.

Got it here: http://www.kabalarians.com/index.cfm

nictusempra @ 2005-07-26T20:47:00

2005-07-27T01:49:15Z

So, Flannel took my set of lamps - end table variety - when he moevd out.

If I ever hear another word about anything I ever did him wrong on in regards to his stuff, I'm going to punch someone. I never should have paid him a cent for those books I damaged.

nictusempra @ 2005-06-24T00:41:00

2005-06-24T05:42:21Z

Bored.

A Pirate Raider
You scored 3 Honor, 2 Justice, 10 Adventure, and 8 Individuality!

More than just the usual swabbie, you demand not only the life at sea,
free from landlubbers and their rules, but also you require adventure
and excitement. You're happiest when the guns are blazing, the risk
high, the outcome uncertain, but the chance for reward substansial.
Your kind are welcomed as allies and feared as enemies.

Put on your wooden leg and hook. You'll do just fine!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 1% on Ninjinuity
You scored higher than 5% on Knightlyness
You scored higher than 94% on Cowboiosity
You scored higher than 83% on Piratical Bent

Link: The Cowboy-Ninja-Pirate-Knight Test written by fluffy71 on Ok Cupid

nictusempra @ 2005-06-07T18:35:00

2005-06-07T23:42:40Z

Oh right, I have an LJ.

Haven't played tRO in like, nearly two weeks I guess? I don't know, I just haven't cared anything about logging on. On the upside, this will make me look like a cooler guy in front of my friends, so I am okay with this.

On the downside, I mostly stopped caring because I caught the plague: UO roleplaying shard. I've had the RP bug but BAD lately, between the copious amounts of D&D of late (evil game Cain-ran sunday night, impromptu Ravenloft nonsense in person monday, and the Planescape campaign I'm running every sunday save this last one), and ... whatever else gives you that manner of disease. Thankfully, it's not detracting too much from my writing, and, more important at present, the job hunt.

So Domino's in the summer is something akin to having a hobby that you really don't like much. Like jogging or something. You don't get much benefit out of going, and you don't get to do it that often, and it's certainly not any FUN, but, you know. You feel kind of obligated to. I am, on average, being worked two days a week. Three, if I'm lucky, which I am not this week. As a result, I've been job hunting rather strenuously, but this time with guidelines I've never had the pocket money to consider: get out of the service industry. For god's sake, get out of the service industry.

I'll be frank. While I am relatively social, and love to hang around with my friends, I DO NOT WANT TO WORK WITH YOU. OR ANYONE, FOR THAT MATTER. And dealing with customers is even worse since half of them don't feel the need to pay attention to such concepts as "common courtesy," or even "the decency to not cuss you out because you performed your expected task in some way that marginally fell below expectations." I love people, I hate people. I need to find a career which will let me strike the latter note by letting me leave people the hell alone while I'm trying to make my money.

And that's about it. Carry on.

nictusempra @ 2005-05-13T20:49:00

2005-05-14T01:52:08Z

hahaha I hate politics.

So apparently the stretch of land that the Minutemen were patrolling - if you aren't from America, well, the Minutemen were a group of civilians essentially protesting our poor defense of the US-Mexico border by manning it themselves. Lo and behold, while they were there, illegal immigration through that area fell to near-nil.

Anyway. To the point. They aren't there anymore, and border patrol has been instructed not to make any arrests in that area, for fear that actually, you know, PATROLLING that area would prove the Minutemens' point and force them to take actual action to secure our border.

It defies common sense, it's politics over national security, and god, don't you love this country?

Oh, I haven't updated in over a month.

2005-05-11T18:16:53Z

We shall open with a quiz thing that I actually found interesting, and:

Your Political Profile

Overall: 60% Conservative, 40% Liberal

Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

close with an actual post.

I've been running in place for quite some time. Hell, scratch that, WALKING in place for awhile. I'm relaxing and getting my bearings, or so I've been saying.

Honestly, I think I've just been lazy.

That said, I'm kicking my life up a couple of notches. Strict regimine and all this. I'm looking for ways to pass beyond what I'm doing with my life right now; I'm tired of being embarassed when I see old high school friends, mostly people graduating this year, on the job. I'm going to start writing every single day again.

Not that anyone on my friends list cares about any of this, haha, but I feel entitled to the odd e/n entry every now and again.

Other than that, doing pretty good! A good friend of mine's graduating this Saturday, I still have the D&D game I'm running on sundays, and my sister's graduation's in about two weeks. It'll be the first time I've seen my mother or Tori in about four years, and the first time I've met my youngest sister. It'll certainly be the first time in about six years that the whole family's been together. And though family's not as important to me as it is to a lot of people, that's still pretty significant to me.

And Allie's moving here in less than three months. Excitement. Next year will be a banner year if I have to sew the banner myself.

nictusempra @ 2005-04-09T15:07:00

2005-04-09T20:20:38Z

Fine, god, I'll do this music meme thing, Chris.

01) Total number of music files on my computer:
I still haven't transferred about 20 gigs worth back from my MP3 player to my computer, so my list has been really slim these past three months. As a result I currently only have about 600 songs on the old playlist.

02) The last CD I bought was...
Oh, lord. I'm not even sure, it's been awhile. I think it was Guster - Goldfly. ...Which is to say, the band Guster, the album Goldfly. No one's heard of Guster but my sister, who introduced me to them. I'm a big fan of them, though; they're acoustic rock, which never gets old.

03a) The song I last listened to before writing this was...
I actually wasn't listening to anything, I was playing MODO. Try not to run that program along with Winamp, it's a bit of a resource hog.

03b) The song I'm listening to now is...
Megadeth - Reckoning Day. My playlist is pretty eclectic; I run everything from metal to folk to 80's pop.

04) Five albums I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me...

Iced Earth - Horror Show. Whenever I'm feeling creatively dry, I listen to this. The guitar work and lyric work are just spectacular, and it's one of those albums that makes you want to pick up a guitar and learn to rock out.

Stabbing Westward - Darkest Days. I really have to agree with Icy here. A couple of summers ago when I was just down and wanted to stay there awhile, this helped. It's therapeutic.

Days of the New - Green Album. Not so much because of any particular track, but um. This was the first album I bought when I moved to Mississippi. It reminds me a lot of how much my life changed for the better by coming here every time I hear it.

Iron Maiden - Seventh Son of a Seventh Son. This got me into Maiden. It's also something I associate with a lot of nights hanging out with high school friends, since we used to drive around for hours and just play CDs like this one.

Tonic - Lemon Parade. And this connects me with Texas. It has a lot of songs that are just really nostalgic; stuff I listened to all the time when I first started dating. Casual Affair and If You Could Only See are still some of my favorite songs - they play on the heartstrings in ways I can't really explain.

05) Five people I'm passing this along to...
I'm going to just pick five people at random.

Myshu, because you're new on my buddy list.
Jay, because I don't think you'll do it! Plus if you do I'm curious to see what bizarre big-band versions of metal songs you'll put on your list.
Valcion because Funkachu is a pop star and people deserver to know.
Allie because she isn't bloody likely to even see this entry.
Lauren because she hates livejournal.

nictusempra @ 2005-04-06T02:05:00

2005-04-06T07:08:33Z

I think I hate ninety percent of the people in this town.

But what I'm especially tired of? Casual friends. They're like the regular kind, but you only hear from them like once a month. Oh, and they go on trips and shit that they know you'd be interested in without saying a single word to you.

Allie needs to hurry up and move out here, I'm tired of hanging out with people like once a week.

nictusempra @ 2005-03-26T00:26:00

2005-03-26T08:28:12Z

For FUCK'S SAKE, Fox News.

You've been reporting ALL NIGHT about wild, baseless accusations that Michael Shiavo was probably beating his wife, and just wants her to die now because she's an eyesore or something?

Ugh. I mean, seriously, ugh. This is all so tasteless. I don't even want to know this woman's name. And I'd feel better about taking some high moral stance on this if this very thing didn't happen [i]every day[/i]. Just minus the cameras.

nictusempra @ 2005-03-08T22:15:00

2005-03-09T04:16:29Z

Bored. Tired. I work, I sleep, I get up, I do some gaming, I watch some MST3K.

I did a stupid survey, who cares.

Not up to much at all, but I think I'm going to a party on friday. Probably.

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Justin
Birthday:	8-31-83
Birthplace:	Longview, TX
Current Location:	Oxford, MS
Eye Color:	hazel
Hair Color:	brown
Height:	6'2"
Right Handed or Left Handed:	left
Your Heritage:	1/8th Cherokee, largely English.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	these cheap walmart things. I'm about due another pair.
Your Weakness:	cute girls.
Your Fears:	utter solitude.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Something with mushrooms, I guess? I already had pizza tonight.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Getting back into college, I suppose.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	hehe
Thoughts First Waking Up:	not yet, I can sleep another ten.
Your Best Physical Feature:	my face, I think.
Your Bedtime:	whenever I'm tired.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Hell if I know. I'm not even sure how you can miss a memory.
Pepsi or Coke:	coke.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Burger King, if only for the power of Tendercrisp.
Single or Group Dates:	single.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton ice tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate~
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino.
Do you Smoke:	Too much.
Do you Swear:	Just enough.
Do you Sing:	Too much.
Do you Shower Daily:	Yeah.
Have you Been in Love:	Yeah.
Do you want to go to College:	I guess I should. Not really, but I'd rather go than stay below the poverty line.
Do you want to get Married:	Yeah.
Do you belive in yourself:	Frequently.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	This quiz is utterly banal. No.
Do you think you are Attractive:	No one is still reading this. I guess.
Are you a Health Freak:	god no.
Do you get along with your Parents:	tired of answering questions. I guess
Do you like Thunderstorms:	sometimes
Do you play an Instrument:	sort of a couple.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	no
In the past month have you Smoked:	yes. as it is the eigth of the month, I estimate approximately 160 cigarettes.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	no
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no this quiz blows
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes, finally a question that doesn't get a patent two letter answer. We've upgraded to three!
Ever been called a Tease:	I imagine so
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	I took an ash tray from a pizza hut once.
How do you want to Die:	I don't :D
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	happy.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Italy, I think. Rome specifically.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

nictusempra @ 2005-02-28T04:26:00

2005-02-28T10:27:46Z

Well, shit, I'm still awake.

This calls for a trip to the Huddle House. To me, cigarettes and coffee, and away.